Slave to the Money

Money.

I bet at least 10 people read that first line and clicked out of this blog.  Well, let's be realistic.  I'm sure only 3 people clicked on this blog to begin with so we'll say 2 clicked away.  To the one person sticking around... I'm feel so damn sorry for you.  You must have about as much of a life as I do.

So I was chit chatting with my asshole best friend today (we will call her Dee Mented).  Dee and I were trying to decide what in God's name we are going to do this weekend.  Should we go to NYC with my parents?  How about Halloween in D.C. with some of our other asshole friends?  Or maybe we will just pick out a stupid costume that millions of people have already been in previous years and stay in friggen Bloomsburg.  The main reason we are so indecisive boils down to the benjamins that we don't have.  I'm talking about MONEY people!

Fortunately my rent is cheap, my car payment is low, and my parents are still nice enough to take care of some of my small monthly payments (be jealous).  But for some reason, I still find myself contemplating selling my eggs at the end of the month to help with my rent money!  What the hell?

I'm sitting at work today and I can't stop searching "easy ways to make fast cash" on every search engine known to man-kind.  Below is a list of things I have come up with:

TASK / WHY IT WON'T WORK

Opinion Polls / Trust me... noooooobody wants to hear my opinion.

Vehicle Advertising / My car is already BRIGHT YELLOW.  I don't need to draw anymore attention to it.

Pet Care Services / I'm allergic to most pets and I don't do reptiles!

Bone Marrow Transplants /  Hellllll no!  That's gotta hurt!

Babysitting / Actually considering giving up my weekends to babysitting services (shit).

AHHH!  I take it back... No babysitting for this girl.  Ever.

All i really want is to have enough money to easily pay my bills, eat breakfast and dinner, buy household needs, and still have enough cash left over to have a a glass of wine or a beer at the end of the day.  Is that seriously too much to ask???

I would love to sit here and continue to bitch about not having money but instead I'm going to share venting about money from people you may have heard of.

Oh lord, won't you buy me a night on the town.

I'm counting on you, lord please don't let me down.

Prove that you love me and buy the next round.

Oh lord, won't you buy me a night on the town.

-Janis Joplin

Believe in all the good things,

That money just can't buy.

Then you won't get no bellyache,

From eating humble pie.

I believe in rags to riches,

Your inheritance won't last.

So take your grey poupon my friend,

and shove it up your ass.

-Aerosmith

Some boys try and some boys lie,

But I don't let them play.

Only boys who save their money,

Make my rainy day,

'Cause they are living in a material world,

And I am a material girl.

-Madonna

Well, I guess that settles it.  It looks like I'm picking out a stupid 80's Madonna costume for this weekend that has been used and abused by countless college girls for every Halloween since Madonna was popular.

Dear Bloomsburg,

Please be fun this weekend.

Love,

Not a chance...